Unforgettable Trip Ch. 4
I realized while in the shower for the second time this morning that I didn’t have any fresh clothes to put on when I finished. As I dried off there was a light knock on the door. Heath popped his head in to say that breakfast had arrived and that he had a clean t-shirt and a pair of shorts I could put on. Wrapping the towel around my body I walked to the door, pulled it open all the way and leaned up to give him a little kiss.
“You think of everything, don’t you?” I remarked playfully tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling his lips to mine.
“Wanna know what I’m thinking right now?” Heath commented with that heart-stopping grin on his face as he ran his fingers along the top of my towel.
“Oh no mister! I’d actually like to leave this bathroom sometime today!” I replied with a giggle. “Besides, our morning work-out made me kinda hungry.”
“I’m hungry too, but not for food!” Heath added still grinning, his fingers loosening my towel.
“Alright Ledger…that’s it!” I said holding my towel by the end and spinning it to snap him with it.
“You wouldn’t do that to me…would you baby?” Heath asked looking at me with his best sad puppy dogface.
“Wanna bet?” I remarked, twirling the towel tighter.
“OK. OK. I’m going!” Heath chuckled.
As he turned and began to walk away I gave him a little snap with the towel on his backside.
“HEY!” He called out surprised.
I giggled and quickly slammed the bathroom door shut before he could retaliate. I dried my hair and dressed in Heath’s clothes, relishing the feel of them on my body. The t-shirt he had given me to wear was white with red and blue stripes on it. I recognized it as the same one I had seen him wearing under the red zippered shirt he had on when he appeared on Letterman and MTV’s TRL. A little tingle shot through me as I remembered how excited I was when I watched those interviews and how I fantasized about him, never knowing that fate would bring us together and make my dreams a reality. I inhaled Heath’s unique scent from the t-shirt material. The clean smell of laundry detergent, mixed with a faint musky yet manly scent gave it a sexy quality. I snickered to myself thinking how pathetic I was that even Heath’s clothes had the ability to turn me on.
“Hey Kim, breakfast is getting cold.” I heard Heath yell out to me.
“Coming.” I called back, as I quickly checked my reflection in the mirror before exiting the bathroom.
We had a leisurely breakfast, or brunch I should say since it was close to noon when we began to eat. We goofed around and fed each other pieces of melon and strawberries. Heath never missed the opportunity to kiss or lick any juice from around my mouth that would inadvertently trickle from the juicy fruit. I did the same to him, taking great pleasure in slowly running my tongue over his soft lips.
He pulled me down to sit in his lap and kissed me, his tongue meeting mine for an incredible French kiss. We continued to kiss for a while, making out like a couple of school kids in heat. Our passion quickly built for one another and I scrooched around on top of him, rubbing myself over the large bulge I could feel in his shorts.
“What are you doing to me girlie?” Heath agonizingly asked, wanting me to put an end to his sweet torture.
A delicious idea entered my head so I stood up, grabbed his hand and said, “Come on we’ll go over to my room, boot Trev and Melissa out and christen it thoroughly!”
I strode over to the adjoining suite door and knocked on it. There was no answer. I knocked again, this time a little louder, but there was still no answer. Remarking to Heath that they probably weren’t there I unlocked the door with my key and we entered my room. We heard the shower running and the faint muffled voices of Trevor and Melissa coming from within the bathroom. Heath and I immediately shot knowing glances at each other with the realization of what Trevor and Melissa were doing together in the shower. Heath smiled wickedly at me and put his index figure to his lips, signaling for me to be quiet. He silently walked over and stood next to the bathroom door. I followed behind him, wondering what he had up his sleeve.
I leaned up and whispered in his ear, “What are you doing?”
“Shhh…just listen.” He replied in a hushed tone.
“Ahhh…yeah…that’s it…keep going baby.” We heard Trevor moan and knew exactly what was happening.
Heath had a sly look on his face and I tried so hard to repress the overwhelming urge I had to giggle at that moment. Heath clamped his hand over my mouth as we heard Trevor groan that he was on the verge of Cumming. Heath grinned at me, unclamped his hand from my mouth, raised it to the door and knocked loud repetitively!
“OHHH FUCK!!” Was the surprised response we heard from inside the bathroom.
Heath and I immediately broke out into a fit of laughter. Both of us were doubled over from laughing so hard.
“YOU BASTARD LEDGER!!” Trevor angrily yelled out.
Heath instantly sobered up and said in a very serious manner, “Hey mate I’ve got something really important to ask you.”
Trevor softened from Heath’s somber tone remarked that he’d be out shortly. Confused, I looked to Heath for an explanation of what as going on. He winked at me and I realized it was one of his little tricks. It was amazing to me how he could be doubled up with laughter one second and completely serious the next. Trevor came out of the bathroom dressed a minute or two later.
“What’s wrong Heath? What’d you need to know?” Trevor inquired concerned.
Heath completely stone faced replied, “Well…I was just wondering………what you were up to!!”
His lips curled into a smile as he roared with laughter at the end of his sentence. I began laughing hysterically, but Trevor didn’t quite think it was as comical as we did.
“YOU SON OF A BITCH!!” He yelled and angrily tackled Heath to the floor, punching him.
The two of them were more rolling around on the floor wrestling then they were fighting when Melissa came out of the bathroom.
“What’s going on?” She asked observing the scene before her.
“Well, it seems that Trev here is attempting to give Heath a good fonging!” I remarked laughing, interjecting the A Knight’s Tale terminology for a beating.
Melissa started giggling and cheered, “Fong him Trev…turn his insides out…and pain…give him lots of pain!!”
Heath and Trevor started laughing as Melissa and I tried our best to chat fong him between our bouts of hysteria. We all roared till we were on the verge of tears and our sides hurt from it.
“Can we please call us even now? Trevor pleaded as Heath released him from the headlock he had him in.
“I didn’t intentionally ruin your fun with Kim in the hot tub, like you just did to me mate. You should know how frustrating it is from…”
I could feel the blush rising in my face as Trevor finished his sentence because I knew what he was going to say. “…what happened to you in the movie theater.”
“Oh shit!” My brain echoed with the knowledge that Trevor knew about what went on between Heath and I in the theater.
Observing my predicament, Heath pulled me to him, wrapped his arms around me and I buried my head into his chest.
“It’s OK. Trev’s my best mate. I tell him everything.” Heath said lightly rubbing my back.
“It’s alright, I’m just a little embarrassed.” I replied still not looking up.
“HEY! Even I haven’t heard this story yet!” Melissa complained wanting the details.
“Oh geez, I’ll tell you later, if you want to know that badly.” I said looking up at her, my face it’s normal color again.
Grinning Heath added, “Well all I’ll say further on the matter is that I’m feeling much better today!”
I shook my head at him and gave him a crooked smile. He put his hands on my face and lowered his head to mine for a kiss.
“OH MAN!! I think I’m gonna fucking puke!” Trevor commented sarcastically. “Break it up you two!” He added.
Heath never missing the opportunity to be a prankster, ferociously began kissing my neck and running his hand all over my body.
“Mmmm Heath!! OH YEAH!!” I groaned in a silly voice playing along as I put my hands in his shorts pockets and pretended to be playing with him.
“Ahhh…yeah baby…keep going!” He said loudly mocking Trevor’s passionate moan we heard earlier as he wildly thrusted his hips. We broke out into another fit of hysterical laughter with Melissa being the one to be embarrassed now.
“AH MAN!! YOU”RE A FUCKING WANKER!” Trevor yelled at him. “I fucking give up!” He said shaking his head and throwing his hands into the air somewhat amused at our little display. Heath just grinned at him and said nothing.
“So, what’s up for today?” I asked attempting to move us beyond our little scene.
“I wouldn’t mind getting some sun.” Melissa quickly responded.
“That sounds like a great idea!” I enthusiastically replied. “Melissa and I can lay out and soak up some rays while you two “play” with each other!” I replied unable to resist interjecting the little sexual innuendo to my sentence.
“Oh Heath, I want you so bad!” Trevor joked running his fingers wildly through Heath’s hair.
“Oh Trev, I want you too!” Heath replied doing the same to Trevor’s hair.
“Alright! You two smart Asses knock it off!” I laughed putting an end to their little game.
Half an hour or so later we were all in our bathing suits out on the patio. Melissa and I were relaxing in lounge chairs enjoying the warmth of the sun while Heath and Trevor were nosily playing some sort of drinking game at the table. I shook my head and suggested to Melissa that she take a look at the two goofballs squabbling with each other like a couple of kids over cheating at the game they were playing. We watched with amused smiles on our faces as the two of them playfully bickered back and forth with each other. Heath sensing he was being watched looked over at us and our eyes instantly locked together. A slow grin formed on his face and he winked at me. Captured in the spell, time stood still for a brief moment as I smiled back at him and we stared at each other as if we were the only two people in the world.
“HEATH!!” Trevor called out loudly, punching his arm.
“WHAT?!!” Heath replied annoyed with Trevor for ending the moment.
“Wow!” Melissa softly commented to me stunned. “You better explain to me right now what’s been happening with you two the last couple of days. That was certainly one incredible heart-stopping look Heath just gave you!”
“Yeah it was, wasn’t it?” I replied still smiling.
“Well?!” She asked and not missing a beat added, “let’s hear it and start with what happened in the movie theater last night.”
Witnessing that Heath and Trevor were embroiled in their little drinking game again I decided that this would be the best time to fill her in on the details of the last day or so. I started off by telling her about how the young teens in the theater were swooning over Heath’s character Gabriel and how they got angry at us for laughing so hard and left only to return a couple of minutes later screaming because they had recognized Heath. Melissa saw fit to remind me how Heath’s performance in The Patriot had affected me in much the same way as it did the girls.
“Look, do you wanna hear this or not?” I responded, rolling my eyes at her, but knowing she was right.
She laughed and told me to continue. Which I did by saying, “So anyway, I convinced the girls that it really wasn’t Heath and they left the theater, leaving it empty except for the two of us.” I stopped my explanation and just looked at her.
“And, and…come on spit it out!! Will ya?!! Melissa said pressing me for more details.
“OK. OK!” I replied and continued, “Well, Heath remarked about the scene playing on the screen where he cut his finger and needed stitches so I offered to kiss his boo boo for him. Anyway, one thing led to another and next thing I knew I was out of my seat kneeling in front of him and well you know….um….well…my mouth was kinda occupied.”
“Oh god!” She exclaimed.
“Poor Heath the theater lights came on just seconds before his blissful moment and ruined it for him though.” I further explained.
Suppressing a giggle she commented what horrible timing that had been. I agreed with her and compared the similarity of the experience to Trevor’s hot tub interruption. I went on explaining in detail to her the tender emotions Heath and I shared at the club while we danced and kissed and how deeply touched I was when he sang to me.
“Oh God…oh wow…that is just so incredible!” Melissa commented, moved by my story.
“I know! I know! Heath’s so…well he’s so…I don’t know how else to describe it, except to say perfect!” I responded smiling from ear to ear and looking over at him across the patio.
“Then last night and this morning…well I don’t think I need to give you the nitty gritty details of what went on in his room, but he’s just amazing. Absolutely amazing!! You know, I’m certainly not a novice at sex, but Heath is better than I EVER could have imagined and anyone else I’ve ever slept with for that matter.
“Really? How?” Melissa asked intrigued.
“It’s like he has a map to my body and knows exactly how and where to touch me to drive me completely wild!” I described.
“Geez, I’m jealous.” Melissa replied pouting a little bit.
“Yep, and he’s all mine for the next couple of days!” I said taunting her. “I’m sure Trevor is equally skilled.” I commented giggling.
“Hmm…I hope you’re right!” She said laughing before we both fell asleep, napping in the late afternoon sun.
I have no idea how long I was out for the count, but I was awakened by the feeling of cold water droplets falling upon my neck and chest. I opened my eyes to find Heath sitting next to me holding an ice cube in his hand. Still half out of it I asked him what he was doing.
“Close your eyes and just lay still.” He instructed me in that irresistible voice of his.
I did as I was told and shut my eyes. A second or two later I felt the coldness of an ice cube being rubbed over my lips. A couple trickles of water ran down my chin and onto my neck from the melting ice. I felt Heath’s hot tongue on me, slowly licking at where the water had been. He had the ice back on my neck again as he moved it first to one ear, tracing the outline of it and then over to other ear doing the same. His tongue followed the same path, stopping to nibble at each of my earlobes, blowing his hot breath into my ear and sending chills down my spine.
“Mmmm…Hea…” I started to moan his name, but was quieted by his lips on mine.
His tongue entered my mouth and began the sensuous dance with mine. I reached up, put my hands into the hair above his ears and started playing with the wavy curls he had there that I loved so much. He broke our kiss, grabbed another ice cube from the glass he had and smiled slyly at me before running it across the swell of my breasts and tracing my cleavage line down as far as my bikini top would allow him. He leaned in to kiss me again and this time when he did he reached behind me, untied my bikini and took it off of me. My nipples were already hard just with the anticipation of what Heath was going to be doing to me. The ice was so incredibly cold as he circled my already erect nipple with it, making it even harder than it was. Observing I was to the point of becoming uncomfortable Heath immediately removed the ice and replaced it with his mouth. The sensation of his warm mouth and tongue sucking, flicking and biting at my nipple was heavenly. He leisurely took his time and did the same to my other breast enjoying the fact that he was slowly working me into a crazed frenzy.
Heath circled my belly button with the ice and moved it lower running it along the top of my bikini bottoms. I extended my arm out, reaching for the large bulge in his swim trunks wanting desperately to touch him. I fondled him, stroking back and forth over him the best I could through his swimsuit. I wanted him in my mouth so bad that I begged him to let me suck him off. My begging however fell on deaf ears as he stood up and slowly began to remove my bikini bottoms for me. Impatient over how slow he was going I tried to help him get them off faster. As he pulled them down off my hips to the top of my thighs I reached my fingers down and started to touch myself.
“No Kim!” He said grabbing me by the wrists and putting them up over my head.
“Please Heath. I can’t take much more of this! You’re driving me crazy!” I whined to him.
“I’ll make it worth the wait. I promise.” He said reaching for the towel that was lying nearby.
“What are you doing?” I asked him as he continued to hold my wrists.
“Hold still.” He instructed as he wrapped the towel around them and tied my hands together above my head.
“Heath! Please I want to be able to touch you. I want to stroke you, feel you in my hand.” I desperately pleaded with him.
“If I can’t touch you then at least let me suck you. I want you to cum in my mouth. Let me taste you!”
He quieted my begging with a hard intense kiss that left me breathless and silent. He moved my legs to the sides of the chair and I lightly felt his fingers on me, swirling through the small patch of pubic hair I had. The ice had all but melted except for one small chip that I watched him get from the glass. He looked at me erotically his dark eyes smoldering with passion, as I felt the coolness of the ice come in contact with my sex.
“OH!!” I moaned shutting my eyes tight.
He ran the ice through my pubic hair, slowly down over my one lip and back up the other. I arched my hips up into his hand as I felt his fingers dip into my wetness and spread my lips apart. I jumped when the coolness of the ice came in contact with the entrance to my tunnel.
“Oh god what the fuck is he doing to me?!!” I silently screamed to myself in my head, nearly overcome with the sensation.
He was pushing the ice up inside of me, but his warm finger followed it. The ice quickly melted consumed by my heat. Heath added two more fingers to join the one he had already inserted in me and continued to torture me by barely moving them in and out. I continually raised my hips up to his hand trying to get him to go faster with his fingers.
“Ah!” I screamed out with surprise when I felt the ice come in contact with my sensitive clit. I thought the ice was all gone but he obviously had found another chip.
“Heath!!” I cried out to him in a tortured voice, needing relief from the exquisite madness he had created in my body.
I was rewarded seconds later by his talented tongue licking at my clit and his fingers plunging in and out of me rapidly.
“Oh fuck!” I yelled out almost immediately as my orgasm rippled through my body.
Heath stood up, quickly removed his swim trunks and pulling my rear end to the bottom of the lounge chair he knelt between my legs. The chair was just the right height for him to enter me from a kneeling position. He grabbed my waist and leaned into me, forcing himself deep inside of me with one thrust.
“AHHH!!” I moaned overcome with the incredible sensation of being completely filled by his big thick cock. Heath expertly plunged in and out of me at a steady pace, a thin layer of sweat developing on his body as his own climax quickly approached.
“Pull out before you cum. I want it in my mouth Heath!” I breathlessly panted to him, on the verge of another delicious orgasm.
Groaning, he stroked into me really hard and fast a few times and I tumbled over the brink of ecstasy once more. He pulled out, stood up and quickly moved to stand over me as he wrapped his hand around himself and pumped up and down furiously. Almost instantly a very loud groan escaped his lips as he was overtaken by his orgasm and the first shot of his cum landed on my lips.
“MMMMMM!!” I said sticking my tongue out to lick them off and taste some more.
Right, Keri thought, but I still went through a lot of angst over it. Just like now. “But people say things. Aren’t you…”
“There’s the things they say and the things they don’t say,” Evan sighed. Her expression turned wistful as she started counting on her fingers. “The young girl’s a slut, but the man isn’t. Young actresses need to do these scenes for their careers, but actors don’t. Never mind all the movies out there where actors do similar stuff.”
Keri nodded. Thinking hard, she could remember seeing a few. She’d had thoughts like this herself many times. She never could put them into words, though.
“The woman has pain but the man doesn’t,” Evan continued, her hands aflutter. “Or vice versa. The sex is there, but is it really necessary to the story? How much of it is really necessary? Could they have shown less? Could they have shown more? Did I make the decision to do the role or was I forced into it? For the record, I don’t think I was with these roles, but it doesn’t really matter. People are going to think what they think. You know what I think, though? I think I’m mature enough to make my own decisions. My parents do too- they supported me when I took the roles.” Her expression changed again as she turned back to Keri. “And you know what else? I’m not doing these role for career or for publicity. The main reason is practice.”
Keri gasped, wondering how many people would think of such a thing. “You’re a virgin,” she said, staring at Evan. “You don’t really know what it’s like being with guys.”
“Yeah,” Evan said. “Most people can only think, read, imagine, and improvise. As an actress, I have some other things I can use to my advantage.”
“I see,” Keri mused, looking back at her. “Wow.”
Evan paused for an instant, then smiled again, looking directly at Keri. “I’m not a complete virgin though.”
Keri felt her mouth fall open. Her eyes locked on Evan’s, which flashed with another strange look. What the heck? Keri thought. Not a complete virgin? “What do you mean, Evan?”
“I haven’t gone all the way with a guy yet,” Evan explained, her eyes shining as she stared back at Keri. “I’ve just come close a thousand times, thought about it.” She smiled. “But, girls, now that’s different.”
Keri felt her eyes widening. Evan was totally blowing away her assumptions. “What?”
Evan paused, then began speaking rapidly. “I get deep into my characters. That’s what you’re supposed to do in acting, right? Let yourself go. You become the character, and the character you. People forget, though, that life is different from acting. In acting, there’s always a script, always things you have to remember. Life, though, has no script. You never know what will happen next. You can imagine, but you never really know. Acting also has props, things to help you imagine what it might be like to do something like cut yourself, or take drugs. Even if you’re opposed to such things in real life, or you’ve never wanted to do them, using the props, reading the scripts, taking direction- they all make it easier to change yourself into someone who could do such things.”
“Go on,” Keri said. She found the discussion fascinating.
“Emotions, though,” Evan continued, still talking fast, “they’re different. You can’t fake them, not if you want to do them right. You have to be able to shut yourself off, embrace the role, feel what the character would feel. Then you have to stop acting, change back into yourself. Some actresses forget that, let themselves get too changed, too into character. Sometimes that’s good, but most of the time it’s not. You agree?”
“Yeah,” Keri nodded. Thoughts were flashing into her mind, many Hollywood stories suddenly making more sense to her now. But Evan didn’t give her time to contemplate them. Instead she kept talking.
“The people you play on screen are so different from the person you are,” the young girl said. “You play your roles for brief hours and yourself for the rest of your life. Your true self is fully you, but each of your characters is only one side, one set of emotions. Playing such characters can teach you a lot about limits, a lot about yourself and others. But there are some things you can’t learn from scripts.”
“Right,” Keri agreed. Like sex, she thought, remembering her own experiences. Unless, maybe in porno movies, and even then…
“You can be hesitant at first,” Evan went on, her hands waving. “Then you get more confident as the scripts get more complicated. You challenge yourself. That’s the way it happened with me. I threw myself into acting, did all I could. I started with small parts- extras, cameos. Then, before I knew it, I was up for Claudia.”
Right, Keri remembered, realizing a comment Alicia had made earlier to her made sense now. “Interview with the Vampire?”
“Yeah,” Evan said. “Good book, good role. I could do the part, but Kirsten Dunst got it.” She frowned, then shrugged. “She did good, though, so I’m not that mad. She used her experience and was a great inspiration. The script, though, that was the real star. It usually is.” She paused, sighing. “People forget that, you know. The writer of the movie is the one who has to have the vision. Put it down, create it. All we do is act it out.”
Keri nodded at each point. True, she thought. So true. And there are so many good visions… Shaking her head, she turned to the mini-fridge next to the couch and took out a bottle of water. “Here,” she handed it to Evan. “You might need this.” Evan nodded in thanks, took the bottle, opened it, and drank deeply, smiling. Keri smiled too, deciding to draw her back to the main subject. She took out a bottle of water for herself, opened it, and drank. “You were talking about getting with girls,” she prompted Evan.
“Yeah,” Evan said, taking another drink. She thought for a moment, then smiled, words coming back to her. “So many of us just play our roles. We step into the vision, but we don’t embrace it. We try to ignore its effect on us, or deny it. Meanwhile we each live out thousands of different visions, again and again. As Erika might put it, each of them becomes a spirit in our mind.”
Keri blinked. “Excuse me?”
“Sorry,” said Evan. “Erika and I had an intriguing discussion while you were talking to Alicia. Erika was telling me she hopes you can introduce her to Mel Gibson. I’d forgotten you and Mel did a movie together.”
“We did,” Keri replied, remembering. “Erika and I were talking about this earlier. She told me she wants to be in Mel’s Passion of the Christ.”
Evan nodded. “She told me that too. She wants to play Legion.”
Keri stared at Evan. “The Gadarene demon?”
“Yeah,” Evan said. “I asked Erika why that role, and she started telling me about her religion. They believe in something called Body-Thetans, spirits in a person’s mind that one must either reconcile with or cast out. Erika’s theory is that the real Legion was someone who was having particular trouble with their Body-Thetans, and Jesus was there to help him.”
“I suppose I can see why Erika would be interested in doing such a thing,” Keri mused, thinking back to their earlier conversation on religious tolerance. She shook her head. “I’m not sure if Mel would want to put anything like that in the Passion though. It’s going to be controversial enough as it is.”
Evan’s eyes widened. “You’ve seen the script?”
Keri grimaced. “Just rough drafts. Mel was starting to work on it when we did our film and once we got to be friends, he showed me his ideas. It was a little…” She paused, then shook her head again. “I don’t like everything about the film, but I do plan on seeing it. It should be interesting.”
“I think so too,” Evan smiled. “The discussion really got interesting as we went on. Erika was going on and on to me about how every person is sometimes named Legion. We all have voices in our heads, and for some they speak louder than for others. Actors especially, and writers, directors, artists, scientists, scholars- every kind of visionary there is.”
Keri rolled her eyes. “That sounds like something a Scientologist would say.”
Evan bobbed her head in agreement. “Right. And Erika’s not your typical Scientologist, of course, but…” She paused. “We have to work with her, I guess.”
“Right,” Keri agreed, glad her frown was mirroring Evan’s. “I think we might be able to,” she said after pausing to take another sip of water. “I was apprehensive about her at first, but now I think we can get along. The differences don’t matter.” Keri felt a momentary disturbance at her words, then smiled, realizing their truth.
“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “And some of the things Erika says make you think. This discussion especially. It brought to mind some things I’ve wondered about before.” The young girl’s voice got lower and her hands stopped moving. “How do you live your life living out other people’s visions?” she asked Keri. “How do they change your own, especially when people write things for your characters for which you yourself aren’t sure you’re ready yet?”
Keri pondered the questions for a moment. “Are you saying your roles have had you dealing with issues you never really thought about before?”
Evan smiled. “Exactly. If I wanted to do the roles, I had to think fast. At first, I was just playing them, trusting the directors and my fellow actors, the crew, my parents, myself. Then as I got older, I started thinking deeper. It was hard not to. Did I really want to do these things, keep doing them? It often got to the point where I wondered if I was really living my life.”
“If someone wasn’t writing it for you,” Keri surmised.
“Yeah,” Evan said. “That’s why I started taking charge of my life. I asked my parents to take me out of school so people would know less of the truth about me. They could talk all they wanted, I thought. Sooner or later they’d lose interest. Meanwhile I could move on, live my real life. And the events of that life became very important to me. That’s why I’m waiting to get with a guy. I have to find the right one. I don’t want to get hurt. So many times I’ve seen or read about it happening. You know what I mean, right?”
Keri shook her head, still confused. “But girls, that’s different for you?”
“In some ways, it’s the same,” Evan shrugged. “In others, though, yeah, it’s different. Society teaches us we’re not supposed to like members of our own gender that way, meanwhile some of us do. History so often denies it, shoves it under the rug. But still people talk, and some of them have ideas. Some people have actresses act out those ideas. But how do we know when we’re doing it right?”
She paused and took a drink. “We have to do it right, you know. Otherwise the people who really have gone through what we’re acting out will resent us. When I did my show, I was thinking about that a lot. I was twelve, and Jessie was going through so much I’d never gone through. Divorce, an extended family, anorexia…”
Keri broke in. “And I’m guessing kissing other girls.”
Evan nodded. “I wanted to get things right, it was important to me. The show’s writers kept doing things radically, taking them to a realistic extreme. It was unusual for a TV show to do that, still is. It scared me and excited me all at once, then again and again.” She smiled. “Eventually I got used to it. When they had me kissing a girl, though, I got really scared. I had thought about that, but never done it. Never even really considered it. And then suddenly here I am kissing Mischa Barton, one of my good friends, right in front of the world.”
“Yeah.” Keri felt herself shaking at Evan’s words. It had been hard enough for her and Ilana to embrace and kiss in private, she thought, same for her and Tony and all the others. If someone else were writing their lives, though, making them act out their feelings in public, she could easily see how it could have been worse. So many times it had been, in scripts and in life.
“And she’s a friend,” Evan went on, “but we’re not that close. Not really. There’s so much we’re still learning, so much we’re keeping to ourselves. We were both interested in the scene, but we weren’t ready for its effect on us. We were scared when we read the script, scared yet curious. Then when we did the first rehearsal, we liked it so much, and…”
“You got together,” Keri completed, guessing where she was heading.
“Yeah,” Evan said. She smiled for an instant, then took a drink and started talking again. “We talked about it afterwards and we decided we had to. Mischa was more ready to deal with things than I was. She came from a family a lot like mine, and she’d been in a couple movies that dealt with sex and its effect on society before being on the show. You may have seen them. Lawn Dogs? Lost & Delirious?”
Keri paused, thinking for a moment. Foreign films, she thought. British and Canadian. I’ve seen them. It’s just been a long time. “Didn’t the first one deal with a relationship where everyone thought there was sex. but there really wasn’t, and then it happened?” she asked. “And the second one there was sex, but people thought there shouldn’t be, so the couple broke up?”
“Basically,” Evan replied. “Lost & Delirious was about lesbians, so it was particularly relevant to our situation. Mischa also did another film called Skipped Parts. It was about teenagers having sex for the first time and all its effects on them. Jennifer Jason Leigh was with her in that one.”
Keri nodded, recognizing the name. “Good actress.”
“Yeah,” Evan agreed, sipping at her water. “Anyway, when Mischa did that movie, she wanted to get things right too. She was tired of just doing parts that were written for her. She wanted to actually have the real experiences, not just act them out. So she went out and had sex with a guy, then came back and did the movie. She was still doing the script, but she was into it now. The emotions were more settled.”
Keri nodded again. She could see how such a thing might happen. Back on Malibu Shores with Tony, something similar had happened to her.
“So anyway,” Evan summed up, “we wanted to get things right, so we actually did the relationship our characters were having between ourselves. We were upset about it at first, afraid, but then we decided to make the best of things. We thought maybe there’d be some value in the experience. There had to be, right? Real people go through it.”
“Yeah,” Keri agreed, thinking about how many film audiences and critics forgot such a thing. Or worse, tried to deny it when they saw the evidence. Pass it off as a phase, or just a movie, not something that could be real.
“We had to get things right for those people,” Evan said, “and for us too.” She smiled. “So we decided what the hey, let’s do it, see what it’s like. And we did it. I wasn’t Mischa’s first, but she was mine, and it was great. I liked it, kept wanting to do it again. Can you see what I’m saying here?”
Keri thought about it for a second, then nodded. She wondered how often Evan told such a story, how much it had been for the young girl’s benefit as much as hers. “I think I can understand what you’re saying,” she said. “I went through something a little different myself. Acting was hard for me in the beginning, still is. There’s lots of tension, and I found having sex was the best way to relieve it. First I just masturbated, then I got with Ilana…”
“You mean Ilana Miller?” Evan interrupted. Keri nodded, marveling again at how precocious the young girl was. Evan smiled. “I watched you and her dancing on MMC when I was a kid. She’s pretty good, and hot. I thought she had a bright future.”
Keri beamed, thinking about the life Ilana had now. Still good, even though it was outside the spotlight. Sometimes Keri wished she could live a similar life. “We all have bright futures,” she sighed. Seeing Evan’s expression, she resumed talking. “After her, there was Tony, and then others. I liked what I was doing, so I kept doing it. That’s how it was for you too, right?”
“Yeah, kind of like that,” Evan grinned. “I know all about tension. I agree, sex is good relief. Mischa thought so, and Nikki did, too, when I did it with her.”
“Nikki?” Keri asked, then remembered. “Nikki Reed.” She pointed at Evan. “Your co-star on Thirteen. You and her… your closeness wasn’t just acting.”
“Nope,” Evan laughed. “I felt a lot of tension doing that film, Keri, more than I ever did on Once & Again. I’ve never been the slightest bit inclined to really do anything like what Tracy did to herself and her family. Most people aren’t, thankfully. But they do exist. If we deny them, forget them…” She paused, then gulped, dropping her arms. “Doing it was something I had to do, but it was hard. I needed a friend to talk with, and maybe because of what I had gone through with Mischa earlier, that wasn’t enough.” The young girl sighed, then smiled again. “Fortunately Nikki was very understanding.”
Keri returned her smile and nodded. This girl was so different from her, but now she was finding out they were so much alike. Wow.
“So,” Evan finished, “now you’re doing it with Alicia, right?”
Keri stared at her. “How did you…”
“I’m not blind, okay?” Evan cut her off. “I told you, I observe emotions. I wasn’t completely sure, I made some guesses. Before, you and Alicia were talking civilly but with hostility under the surface. Friends, but not really friends, you know? And then you left the room, then she did, then you came back alone, then you came back with her. The way you looked and talked together each time, you seemed closer, happier. People don’t get that close that quickly unless they’ve really connected, and there’s no better way to connect instantly than having sex. Before now, I wasn’t sure I believed the possibility. I didn’t think Alicia really was into girls. I thought she said she wasn’t.”
“She’s unsure,” Keri said, smiling. “I was her first.”
Evan smiled back, taking another sip of water. Keri stared at her, still surprised by her confession. She was even more shocked when Evan lowered the bottle, then shrugged. “Okay, maybe she needs reinforcement then. I know I did. It’s hard to get that in this business a lot of the time. We play so many different roles.”
“Yeah,” Keri agreed, thinking deeper. “And people can hear about us, read about us, meet us a few times, but they can never really know us. Nor can we know them.” She thought back on all the projects she’d done, all the stages of her life, how little she’d seen her friends in each stage after that stage was over. “We move on so much too, don’t see people anymore.”
“Exactly,” said Evan. She put down her empty bottle. “It’s hard to latch on to one person in this world, especially in lives like ours. Mischa and I were pretty exclusive back on our show, but since it ended we’ve moved on. She has another show now, and I have my own career. I developed other relationships. I got with Nikki, and other girls, and…” She stopped, then started talking again, her hands waving. “We still get together now and then, but a lot of the time we can’t really connect. It’s hard. Busy schedules.”
“And you have to be careful,” said Keri. “There are dangers. If the truth gets out…”
“Exactly,” Evan cut in. “You can plan all you want, think carefully about what you’re going to say, but in the end you’re improvising, acting on instinct. You can’t predict everything.” She took a breath, then gave Keri a deep smile.
Keri shook her head. She couldn’t believe so many deep statements were coming from a girl so young, a girl she hadn’t known before today. Yet here they were. “Why are you talking to me like this?” she asked Evan, thinking about the wonder of it.
The young girl shrugged. “I want to get close to you, become friends. It will help our characters bond for the movie, and teach me more about people. You too. We’ll both become better actresses. And,” she smiled at Keri, “if you want to get together sometime, we can also do that.”
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